Saturday you turned two. Two? Did I just type that right? These last two years have flown by, and I question what I have done with my life since you have been born. Raising you has been my biggest accomplishment, an idea that has deteriorated in the world your are growing up in. But I am proud to call you my son, and I am not ashamed or upset to give up some luxuries and conveniences to watch you grow.
You are truly blessed. You have a mother. You have a father. We don't have to worry about where your next meal will come from or how to keep you warm at night. I heard a touching story on NPR (National Public Radio) a few months ago about the children living under the city of Las Vegas. They lived in the sewers. A 6 year old told the reporter he would go to bed mad at night because he was so hungry. And a little girl was ashamed to tell the reporter her mother had to search for rats for them to eat. This story broke my heart, and I know at two years old, you don't understand. Those poor kids don't understand why bad things happen to them. I can't promise you a life a luxury and pain free days, but I can promise you that you will be looked after and during your darkest moments, I will want to be there for you. I hope that Matt and I will be able to help you understand and gain your own testimony that you have heavenly parents that love you too, care for your well being, and are watching over you.
Having you changed my life. You changed it for the better. It was not until I gave birth to you that I had a better understanding of Heavenly Father's love for His children. There is something so supremely divine in the ability to raise children, and I am truly honored the Lord trusts me to take care of you.
I have to admit one thing to you though. I cried when I found out I was pregnant. And it was not the excited kind of cry. It was a selfish cry. What will my life be like? My hopes and dreams are gone. I'll never be able to do x,y, and z ever again. I'm going to get fat (which I still carry around 30 lbs of proof :)
Now when I cry, you have done something really bad, but there are no regrets in having you. And I didn't regret it during my selfish cry either. Matt and I always talk about how good of child you are, and we are not being bias. You truly are one happy boy who is teaching me to be happy. You are teaching daddy things too, and you don't even know it. You have a tremendous influence on us, and your sweet spirit and innocence is so infectious.
You are very curious, but I think that is part of a two year old's job. You love Bob the Builder, Little People, and Baby Signing Time right now. You have a baby doll that we named Baby, and you love her. You like to change her diaper, feed her, and teach her signing signs. You love our grown chickens too. You are fearless around them, and you have no problem catching and carrying them. Well, you are just fearless in general. You have no problem getting up onto high spaces and falling backwards or face forward. I swear you will end up with broken bones before you are three.
You are going through a testing phase, though I believe this will last another 16 years. And when you test us, you lower your head and lift up your eyes every so slightly, as if we don't know you are watching us. You go to timeout often, and sometimes, I can't help but laugh or smile when I am trying to be serious and tell you why you are going to timeout. Usually, I'll glance away for a moment, so I can release a chuckle before returning to your punishment. It's really hard to be mad at you.
I love smothering your sweet, soft skin with kisses. I love your diaper cheeks. Your diaper has formed the most adorable permanent crease along your cheeks. I have tried many times to capture the image but have failed. Luckily for you, no embarrassment will ensue.
I hope one day you will like me. I know you like me now, but that's because I am your security blanket and best friend. When you are 16 are you going to hate me? Think that I am weird? Ashamed of me? I really hope not. I won't try to be the cool mom or try really hard to be your best friend, but I will be your mom. I will teach you and discipline you all while hoping and praying you are not hating me for doing it.
You are a remarkable little boy, and I have loved watching you grow over these last two years. I hope there are many more years to come. You are a very special gift to me, and I love you so, so much.
(I promise we were a little more excited about your birthday than my "yay" expressed. :)