My life has been a wreck, a disaster, a freaking nut case these last few weeks. To say this contest has not tested my emotional strength would be a lie too. Yesterday and probably some other days too, I have wanted to cry. Competing against other talented folks is thrilling but is also stressful. And to top it off, you have to try to perform your best in under a week, which does not always produce best results.
This emotional roller coaster is coming from Round 3's theme Paint. I think this is the most difficult round. To be honest, there's a lot I want to vent in this paragraph, but I am refraining from doing so. Let's just say that no matter what, I am staying true to myself in this contest! And I think that is all that matters.
I also deserve worst mother of the year award. I get emails asking me how I find the time to blog, do projects (home or sewing related), and take care of my family. Most of the time, I can manage these things, but the time during this contest has been drastically different. I think my son has watched more TV these last few weeks than he has in his lifetime. In my opinion, there is no way any mother could compete in this contest without neglecting her child in some way or fashion. Now my son gets his meals and snacks and occasionally we'll play a game or have tickle time, but he has not gotten as much attention from me as he normally does. The TV is his nanny, and I am confessing it. In fact, he's watching Dora the Explorer right now just so I can type this blog post. I mentioned it before here, and I'll mention it again. Blogging requires sacrifice. This contest requires sacrifice. Don't get me wrong. The contest has been a lot fun so far. I just find myself questioning how important is it really? Is neglecting my son for a few weeks really worth it? Is having this "me" time to showcase my talents really worth it? Why do I even feel guilty?? Don't I deserve this chance? Ever since I gave birth, it has never been about me. My time and energy have been devoted to Owen. It was a choice I made, and I am happy for that choice. But is it wrong to have "me" time? Ultimately, I will say no, but I can't help but to have this nagging guilt for participating in this contest. And if there is anything that is actually going to make me cry it is Owen telling his dad, "No, Mommy can't. She's busy." This doesn't mean I want to quit or hope that I will be eliminated next round. If anything, I want to win!
So there's my life for you in full honesty and one messy, gross photo. Thank you for being my therapist for today. I'm off to paint something freaking fantastic.