My life has been a wreck, a disaster, a freaking nut case these last few weeks. To say this contest has not tested my emotional strength would be a lie too. Yesterday and probably some other days too, I have wanted to cry. Competing against other talented folks is thrilling but is also stressful. And to top it off, you have to try to perform your best in under a week, which does not always produce best results.
This emotional roller coaster is coming from Round 3's theme Paint. I think this is the most difficult round. To be honest, there's a lot I want to vent in this paragraph, but I am refraining from doing so. Let's just say that no matter what, I am staying true to myself in this contest! And I think that is all that matters.
I also deserve worst mother of the year award. I get emails asking me how I find the time to blog, do projects (home or sewing related), and take care of my family. Most of the time, I can manage these things, but the time during this contest has been drastically different. I think my son has watched more TV these last few weeks than he has in his lifetime. In my opinion, there is no way any mother could compete in this contest without neglecting her child in some way or fashion. Now my son gets his meals and snacks and occasionally we'll play a game or have tickle time, but he has not gotten as much attention from me as he normally does. The TV is his nanny, and I am confessing it. In fact, he's watching Dora the Explorer right now just so I can type this blog post. I mentioned it before here, and I'll mention it again. Blogging requires sacrifice. This contest requires sacrifice. Don't get me wrong. The contest has been a lot fun so far. I just find myself questioning how important is it really? Is neglecting my son for a few weeks really worth it? Is having this "me" time to showcase my talents really worth it? Why do I even feel guilty?? Don't I deserve this chance? Ever since I gave birth, it has never been about me. My time and energy have been devoted to Owen. It was a choice I made, and I am happy for that choice. But is it wrong to have "me" time? Ultimately, I will say no, but I can't help but to have this nagging guilt for participating in this contest. And if there is anything that is actually going to make me cry it is Owen telling his dad, "No, Mommy can't. She's busy." This doesn't mean I want to quit or hope that I will be eliminated next round. If anything, I want to win!
So there's my life for you in full honesty and one messy, gross photo. Thank you for being my therapist for today. I'm off to paint something freaking fantastic.
First off Nancy, I am so excited that you made it to the next round! You are so talented! Second, I totally know what you mean about feeling that you haven't spent enough time with Owen during this contest. I felt the same way when I was going to school with Miranda. For me, I had to experience going to school and having a baby to discover that things I liked and didn't like about the situation. I found that I like doing the things, but just on my own time. It's rough having deadlines (especially such short ones in your case). I'm sure you will make a lot of new discoveries about yourself through this awesome opportunity. Just think, in a little while things won't be as hectic anymore. I think you are an AMAZING mom and creator and will be cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteEven as a so called 'neglectful' mother Im sure you are a better mother then a great majority. Your son needs to see his mother being fullfilled, successful and creative. He needs to experience no too. It builds self reliance. You almost had me fooled BTW! Loved the project but the photo settings ticked me.
ReplyDeleteListen, I spend my entire day every day as a homemaker and I still feel like I neglect my kids. I mean, I make myself guilty over cleaning because that takes time away from my kids. CLEANING! It's ridiculous. I think that every mom beats herself up over anything and that you should give yourself a break. This is a once in a lifetime experience and tv never killed a kid before! It's not like this contest is going to last for months, either.
ReplyDeleteAs for the contest, let me vent a little bit. (And maybe other people are going to want to strangle me for my opinions, but so be it). Puffy paint?!?! What the???? I gagged when I saw that and I had to show Ben how horrifying that was. I thought the pattern was cute but puffy paint??? Oh man. If you would have stitched that thing you totally could have nailed it.
Also, I have to say that I really appreciate your efforts in being original because it sickens me when all these people present something that I've already seen before. Honestly, I was only about 90% sure that the Hello sign was yours, but I was sure enough that I dreamed about it all night. So I got on the computer first thing this morning when I woke up to make sure that people voted for you. And they did! YAY!
Serious congrats to you, Nancy. I think you're amazing.
Love that sign -- it was the first thing I picked to vote for in this round. If you need a new home for it my house has a spot. Great job and let us know when voting starts again. Don't worry about Owen -- he's a happy baby and you are a good mother don't beat yourself up over his watching TV at least it's educational and if he was in childcare he would most likely be exposed to worse. Great Job again
ReplyDeleteJust a reminder that no matter your choices, you will find things to beat yourself up about. Feeling guilty about your choices is not something that you want to pass on to your children. Owen will be fine. Congratulations on your success.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve it. You can do it. It is worth it. You go momma.
ReplyDeleteSo happy you made it to round 3! I didn't guess that one was yours - the outdoor setting didn't seem like your home. Maybe it was somewhere else :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry too much about neglecting your boy for a few weeks. There are lots and lots of weeks between now and 18 when he zips off to college and taking a few of them to pursue something for yourself is just fine.
Glad they gave us 3choices to vote, the hello sign wasn't my first guess as yours, because of the outdoor pics. I love it though. And I feel like I am neglecting my kids alllllll the time. Even when I am playing with them because I am often thinking about what am I going to make for lunch, dinner, when will I find time to do the laundry, etc. Kids are soooooo much work. Sometimes I think a bit of shows and dad time is good for our own sanity as moms! (plus Dora is totally eduvational, I know I let my kid watch a show sometimes just so I can poop without her in the room telling me I need to "push very hard" or patting my back saying "good job!" ) tmi on that last bit? LOL. Enjoy that knowledge ;) you're a great mom and your a great crafter too!
ReplyDeleteFive years from now will Owen remember the few weeks when he got to watch lots of TV or will the memories of mom playing with him, creating with him and cuddling with him be what he remembers? I vote for the second batch...he'll be fine, don't sweat the small stuff!!! You are great mom who is very creative...sometimes creative has to come out. He may remember this competition, but only if you win!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up Nancy. We ALL have days like this where we plop the kids in front of the TV just so we are able to get done what we need to get done. Sometimes it's the only way to save our sanity! And we actually become better moms for it:)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he'll be fine! I'm not a parent, so take that with a grain of salt, but it seems like a lot of moms who blog stress out, um, a little too much about their kids. He's probably enjoying his TV vacation, and hey, think of it as building independence. :) It sounds like he gets a lot of attention from you 49 weeks out of the year, so I think he'll emerge unscathed. Enjoy the contest!
ReplyDelete